I discovered him.
Where?
In my front room.
- (EXCLAIMS) - (GUNSHOTS ECHO)
Are you sure I can't tempt you back to my place
for a home-cooked meal some time?
I'm a growing boy.
I'm sure you are.
Right, we both know Price whacked Doreen.
That's a fact.
So, now I'm gonna whack Price.
Why are you telling me this?
And when I take care of this job myself,
I need you to look the other way.
(CAMERA CLICKS)
PRICE: What did you two discuss, if you don't mind me asking?
I was protecting you, mate, doing what you pay me to do.
RAY: I like to give my people a chance to settle in.
Give them time to learn the ropes, just fit in with the system.
Welcome to the team.
EMILY: You reckon I should pull my head in?
Yeah.
But it's in pretty good nick from here.
(LAUGHS)
- (GROANS) - MAN: Bend over and spread 'em.
Bet they didn't advertise this part on careers day.
You've seen one arsehole, you've seen them all.
Now, shut up and cough.
(COUGHS)
Put 'em on.
Should go nicely with that lovely red hair of yours.
Norton?
Have I seen you somewhere before?
Are you a repeat scumbag, Norton?
Oh, never been called that before. But, no, it's my first time in.
Oh, yeah. Know who I am?
- Should I? - I'm Mr Reynolds.
More importantly, I'm floor boss, I'm chore boss, I'm your boss.
But a bum like you probably never had a boss before, have you?
Not one that rhymes like that.
(LAUGHS)
Listen, Ginger Meggs.
I spend all week in here with the dregs of society.
And weekends, I referee first-grade rugby league.
And you know what that means?
You like... hanging out with blokes...
It means I like rules.
It also means I can feel a troublemaker
right down in my scrotum.
Bet that's uncomfortable.
Laugh it up while you can, Jimmy Joker,
'cause it always ends in tears in here.
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com
(KEYS JANGLE)
The beer ad!
That's it.
I knew I saw you somewhere.
How exciting. We love a good celebrity in here.
I wouldn't go so far as to say celebrity.
More of a one-off thing.
Rubbish.
I bet you're a natural performer.
I'll be sure to let the boys in the yard know.
I wouldn't worry about Reynolds.
He might have watched Cool Hand Luke one time too many.
Yeah, I kind of got that impression.
Top bunk, son.
I'm Mousey.
G'day, Mousey. Nice to meet you. I'm Les Norton.
Les.
What are you in here for, son?
It's a funny story, that.
LOZZA: Yeah, and then, after all that,
cheeky buggers never even called back.
(BUBBLING)
(INHALES)
That's bizarre, right?
One minute, they're fizzing at the bunghole
to launch Bowen Lager in Thailand.
Next minute... radio silence.
Maybe they had their visas cancelled.
Yeah, maybe.
Oh, look out! Whoo-whoo-whee-oo!
Someone's gettin' lucky tonight.
Oh, come on, who is she?
- None of your business. - Oh.
Mysterious. (CHUCKLES) Where you taking her?
I'm not, actually. We're going to her place.
Her place? No first date starts...
Hang on. What's going on?
I don't know what you're talking about.
Yeah, bullshit, you're going on a second date.
- It's not like that. - It's exactly like that.
You are double-dipping, you sly dog.
She's actually cooking me dinner, like grown-ups.
And you're telling me that there's no sausage on the menu?
I'm telling you I've already been there and I'm not going back.
First time was just a...
You know, it was just a little bit weird.
Good weird or bad weird?
It was just weird weird.
Mnh!
I love weird weird.
Yeah, and I don't, which is why I'm in no hurry to go back.
And I told her, tonight's just about the food.
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Oh, honestly, Loz...
Not everyone's as desperate as you.
That is true.
But you are. (CHUCKLES)
(KNOCK AT DOOR)
Leslie. You brute.
Come.
NARRATOR: Now, Les didn't want to admit it,
but Loz had a good point.
On one hand, he liked to keep things simple.
And no second dates meant no complications
when it came time to head home.
But on the other hand,
a home-cooked meal ticked two big boxes for Les.
It was food and it was free.
(CORK POPS)
It's a great joint, Chenille.
How long you lived here for?
Oh, I don't live here, darling.
It's my fuck pad.
(COUGHS)
It's OK for a man to have one, but not for me?
Oh, it... I... I wasn't saying anything.
(CHUCKLES) Paddle your own canoe, as far as I'm concerned.
I intend to.
So, uh...
Uh...
(SIGHS)
What's, uh...?
What's on the menu for tonight, then?
I am.
Hope you're hungry.
We talked about this on the phone, Chenille.
Now, I don't want to be rude,
but I'm... I'm not looking to get into a relationship any time soon.
(LAUGHS)
Oh, my God.
I know you're from the country, but really...
What?
I've got more than enough relationships, thank you very much.
What I don't have is a big, strapping redhead
that I can ride all night.
Well...
Which is where you come in.
I don't know how I... I feel about that, but...
Oh, boo-hoo!
I like sex, Les, and I like it on my terms.
- Deal with it. - I'm not just some sexual object
you can use for your own gratification, you know?
Yeah, you are.
And you love it.
NARRATOR: Les fancied himself as a man of principle,
but in the end, Mr Wobbly had other ideas.
In the blink of an eye, the gastronomic gave way to the erotic.
And suffice to say, Les put up about as much resistance
as the Italian Army in 1943.
(PANTS AND GROANS THROUGHOUT)
Bloody hell.
Yeah, you're not wrong.
Well... well, what happened then?
What? She drained you out, then pinned you for unwanted advances?
What?
No!
You waited till she fell asleep and then you ripped the joint off?
Eh? Smart.
To tell the truth, that's not my style either.
No, no. It was on the drive home when the wheels really fell off.
- (SIREN WAILS) - (YAWNS)
Shit.
(YAWNS)
Morning, Officer.
Licence and registration, driver.
No worries.
(RUSTLING)
Are you aware you're driving without a rear windshield?
Am I?
(CHUCKLES) Thought it was a little breezy.
No, I... I actually hit a roo.
Yeah, out Lightning Ridge way. Yeah, can you believe it?
While reversing?
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just...
A whole mob of 'em, you know? They...
Come at me from all angles.
Anyway, thanks for pointing it out, you know?
I've got the old girl to get in fixed next week.
So, all's gonna be well. I'll just, uh...
Step out of the car, sir.
Excuse me?
It's an offence to operate a motor vehicle
in the state of New South Wales without a valid licence.
Yeah, I know that, but I actually have a licence.
Not on you, you don't, which is also an offence.
Mate, fair go. I've left my wallet at home.
I'm not speeding, I'm not drinking.
I mean, I deadset live two minutes around the corner.
Good. That'll make the walk home that much easier.
What are you talking about?
I'm impounding this vehicle until further notice.
Shit.
Highway patrol?
More like highway robbery. 35 bucks. Can you believe it?
So much for a free meal.
Ouch.
Still, after the night that you had,
sounds like you got your money's worth.
That's not the point, Billy. It's the principle.
Ooh... Sorry, sir.
Have a good night, sir.
Yeah, but isn't that copper just doing his job?
Mate, that dickhead pulling me over
has nothing to do with him doing his job,
everything to do with him hitting a quota.
The state still needs to raise money somehow, don't they?
Yeah, of course they do. That's what tax is for.
- But you don't pay tax. - Yeah, but they don't know that.
Right.
So, what are you gonna do now?
I tell you what I'm not gonna do. I'm not gonna pay.
They can stick the money where the monkey stuck the penny.
And then what? Go to prison?
If it comes to that.
For 35 bucks?
Come on, brother.
You may be as tight as a frog's bum, but you're not that tight.
Oh, you want to make a bet?
35 bucks today, and where's it stop?
I let this slide, next thing you know,
we're living behind the Iron Curtain,
we're begging Gorbachev for government handouts.
Not on my watch.
My Oxford scholars, they're staying snug in my wallet.
Once I find it.
NARRATOR: At this point, even Billy thought Comrade Norton
might have been a few kopecks short of a rouble.
You don't build wealth by giving it away willy-nilly.
How do you think the boss got all his money?
What do you mean we've got no money?
I mean we're spending more than we're making.
You do that for too long and eventually you run out.
But the club's going gangbusters.
We're taking in more than we ever have.
Yeah, the takings aren't the issue.
Price, it's the givings that are killing us.
Oh, God. Not this again.
What do you expect? You give every cop
and judge and politician that comes in here credit.
You've got markers all over town.
Yeah. It's called insurance.
With this Dolores Bognor business,
we need the influential people in our pocket more than ever.
We show them the love and then they give it back in kind.
All the love in the world will count for nothing
if we can't honour our bets.
Hey, no, don't worry. It's not gonna come to that.
It already has.
The Archbishop split eights last night. He took us for 50 grand.
We would have had to shut shop early if His Grace hadn't taken an IOU.
Oh, well... well, he's... he's a man of faith.
Exactly.
But what if it was Rupert or Singo or Kerry or Terry?
Anyone else would have sunk us.
Now, I've spoken to Crotheby's.
Mr Smee will be in later this week.
What for?
No, absolutely not.
He's not touching me muskets.
I've spent me entire career building that collection.
I know. And I'm not gonna let you toss it away all because of pride.
BILLY: Not sticking around for staffies there, Georgie?
- Staffies are cancelled. - They're what?
Part of our ongoing austerity measures.
Since when?
Five minutes ago.
So, what are we meant to do for a drink?
You're gainfully employed, Les.
Pony up like the rest of the country.
See how it feels.
Oh, and, uh... we're shutting shop for a week as well.
Enjoy the break.
Hello, Bobby.
Oh, I've been better, to be honest, mate.
Hey, um, let's chat about next Saturday's race results at Randwick.
LES: So, it was at that moment I realised I had to take a stand.
How's that?
Well, ever since I come to Sydney, the boss had looked out for me.
And there he is, having his own financial troubles.
So, I figured it was only right that I did my bit.
Right. Yeah.
What, by cutting out a $35 fine?
No.
By using the week to shoulder my responsibility
for my own financial future, Mousey.
If I'm gonna have to pay for my own drinks,
it's only right that I learn how to tighten my belt.
- So, what are you waiting for? - Les?
What's going on?
Well, I was just telling your friend here that I'm not paying the fine.
So, I'm saving him the trouble of coming to get me.
(SIGHS) Well, I was just telling him
he can't really make a citizen's arrest on himself.
Oh, says who?
You do the crime, you do the time.
Uh, it's not really a crime, though, mate.
This... this is a traffic ticket.
OK, I will take care of this.
- Thanks, Josh. - OK.
- Are you serious? - It's the law.
- It's 35 bucks! - So?
So, if you're short, I'm sure we can sort something out.
Oh... Yeah, this is just fantastic.
Here I am, trying to do the right thing,
throwing myself at the mercy of the justice system,
and all I see is corruption.
Corruption on a grand scale.
What the hell are you talking about?
What... what are you talking about?
I'm saying I can lend you the money, you idiot, as a mate.
I know it's only a couple of days, but it's Long Bay.
It's not some cushy local lock-up.
Just, um, sort me out next payday if things are tight.
NARRATOR: The generosity of mates
was not the result Les was hoping for.
So, with his back to the wall,
he did what any sensible Australian male in his situation would do.
Well, I appreciate the offer, Constable.
He went theatrical.
But you are gonna have to lock me up and throw away the key.
Over 35 bucks?
You can't put a price on principle.
What principle's that? Being a dickhead.
And then she called me a dickhead for my principle.
Yeah, well, I... I can sort of see where she was coming from.
She was offering to spot you for the money, after all.
But then I'd still have to pay it back, wouldn't I?
Les...
Now, I know we've only just met and all that,
but, uh, if you don't mind,
could I ask you a personal question?
Sure.
Are you a bit of a tight-arse?
What... what if I am?
I'm hardly going to admit it to her, am I?
Why not? What do you care what she thinks?
Oh-ho-ho-ho-ho...
Yeah.
Who said romance is dead?
Good to see you, Derryn.
BILLY: Yeah, the blood-nut handed himself in.
What, and he's there as we speak?
Went in first thing this morning.
Fuckin' goose.
All that to cut out a $35 fine?
Well, this is Les we're talking about.
Hey, um, I had a squiz at the latest Herald poll.
Gee, that makes for grim reading.
Yeah, tell me about it.
Ever since the Opposition's been on this anti-corruption thing,
we've been taking it up the dirt-chute, à la carte.
Ah, well, early days, Minister, early days.
You've come back from worse.
Yeah, well... we'd better.
It's not gonna be easy to hold up that casino bill
if we're not in power.
And there's another matter of even more pressing concern.
The whisper around the office is that the, uh, Internal Affairs
are sniffing around your neck of the woods.
Oh, you... you'd think they'd be sick of doing that by now.
Yeah, well, apparently not.
Oh, well, I'll get Ray to look into it?
No, no, no. It's Ray they are sniffing around.
I don't want any blowback, mate. Nothing coming back on me, alright?
Right, well, look, I'll tell him about it. I wouldn't worry.
They've taken shots at him in the past, they've missed every time.
Mate, Ray is a dinosaur, OK? He's an endangered species.
As are we, if you go on this bloody polling.
Well, speak for yourself, Minister.
Take a look around here.
You know, look at this spread. Does this look like a man in decline?
Well, Nero fiddled while Rome burned.
Oh, Nero was a deadshit who didn't understand the way the world works.
Mate, Nero can fiddle
but he doesn't have the drum on Race 3 in Randwick, does he?
I'd have a look at Bar Rat.
If you get a wriggle-on, you might be able to get him at 12s.
12s? Are you sure?
Mate, it's straight from the horse's mouth.
Hey, Ray?
Uh, would you show the Minister the, uh, betting ring.
He's got the late mail on, uh, Race 3.
You know, don't want him getting lost with a pocket full of chops.
- (LAUGHS) - Race 3, you say?
Tell me more, Minister, tell me more.
Good to see you, Ray.
- PRICE: How are you, Jenny? You good? - I thought I said Australian wines.
Or was I not clear?
No, you were very clear, Ms Burman.
So, what's with the cases of French, then?
And the smoked salmon and the oysters?
What happened to the curried egg sandwiches?
Mr Galese was pretty insistent.
You spoke to Mr Galese directly?
Yes, ma'am. He can be, uh, very persuasive.
I'm sure he can.
Just one there.
Enjoying yourself?
Yeah, couldn't be better.
I'm glad, because thanks to all this,
I'm gonna have to have Mr Smee look at your art collection,
not just the beloved muskets.
I don't think that'll be necessary.
I've got this funny feeling that we're gonna be alright.
I can't pay the bills on funny feelings, Price.
You promised to trim your sails.
Yeah, and I have, within reason.
Georgie, I'm entertaining guests at Royal Randwick.
It comes with expectations, you know?
Gee, next you'll suggest I don't have a flutter at all.
Well, the thought had crossed my mind.
What, going to the races and not betting?
It'd be like going to... church and not... praying.
Which is where we're gonna end up if you keep going like this.
We'll see. We'll see.
You know, I reckon... I reckon the big bloke upstairs,
he's feeling pretty lucky, too.
Hey, ad man, ad man.
MOUSEY: It gets, uh, pretty crowded here, this time of day,
as you can see.
- Place to be. - Right.
Who's the big bloke?
That's Bulldog. He runs the yard.
Quite the showman, isn't he?
Oh... Oh, yeah. (LAUGHS)
Don't mess with Bulldog.
Woof-woof.
Oh... Listen, come here. Come on. I want to show you something.
Come on.
(AEROPLANE ROARS)
Come on.
This is all you?
Christ! It's like the bloody Garden of Babylon.
Only tastier.
You know, when I first come here,
the closest thing to a vegetable was the tomato sauce.
More scurvy than the First Fleet, they reckoned.
Here.
But now... this is the healthiest big-house kitchen in the country.
Jeez, mate.
How long did this all take to put in?
34 years, give or take.
Get out.
You've been here that long?
Yeah.
Struth, what's a bloke got to do to get a sentence like that?
If you don't mind me asking...
Oh, you know, a bit of this, bit of that.
Wrong place, wrong time, you know?
Oh, yeah.
But as most of the fellas in here will tell you,
they got me for what they could, not what they should.
Alright, I'll bite.
What should they have pinned you on?
You have heard of the great Gosford Mint robbery.
Gosford has a mint?
Not anymore, they don't.
Closed it down after someone knocked it off in 1951.
Took 'em for everything they had.
OK.
I got arrested that same year on an unrelated matter,
so, unfortunately, they never did find out who did it.
Well, don't leave me hanging, then. Who was it?
You tell me.
They never did find the stolen cash, though.
And that's a fact.
NARRATOR: Now, Les had met a few blokes
who'd done proper time before.
They all said the same thing.
"Don't drop the soap, don't trust the screws
and don't believe a word anyone says."
Sure, Mousey, mate.
Whatever you say, eh?
(DOOR OPENS)
How you going, Bulldog? How's it going, mate?
Fuck off, fossil. Get me something to eat.
What have we got here, then?
- I'm Les Norton. - Oh, yeah.
That's right. I've seen you on telly, haven't I?
I don't know, have ya?
(LAUGHS) Funny fuck, are ya?
That's right, you're the... the Bowen Lager bloke, right?
- Yeah, that's right. - Yeah, I thought so.
What do you reckon, fellas?
We got ourselves a real famous fighter here.
A bit of a scrapper, are ya, Les?
Nah, it's just an ad, mate.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, don't be humble, mate.
You look hard to me.
You're a hard bastard, aren't ya?
The magic of TV.
- What's that? - Well, it's make-believe.
Oh, didn't youse know?
Yeah, half the stuff you watch on the box, it's not real.
So, what are... what are you saying? I'm... I'm a moron?
- I'm not saying that. No. - No?
No? I'm a fucking idiot?
- Just calm down. - I'm a fucking idiot, yeah?
Calm down. Calm down, we just met.
Just met.
But... if I were to take a guess, I'd say it's a pretty safe bet.
Come on, come on, fellas, we're all friends here, eh?
Hey, big fella, I've got some delicious strawberries...
- You right? - No... Right as rain, Les.
Don't worry about your boyfriend, he's right.
See that, carrot-top? It's not all make-believe in here, is it?
Yeah, in about 30 seconds, you're gonna wish it was.
Is that right?
NARRATOR: At that point, Les remembered what blokes always say
about your first day in prison.
"Find the big bloke,
"hit him hard and hit him early."
COMMENTATOR: (ON TV) Oh, that's a massive hit from the young bloke
who looks well and truly fired up out there.
His opposite number has spilled the pill
and most of his front teeth, by the look of things.
Oh, by gee, he looks in all sorts of strife out there, doesn't he?
(LES SIGHS)
(WATER RUNS)
I'm sorry, mate.
I just don't like bullies, that's all.
Maybe you're not cut out for prison life after all.
Yeah, maybe you're right.
I just hope there's no blowback for you, that's all.
I'm a lifer, Les.
What are they gonna do that they haven't already done, eh?
But...
... different matter for you, mate.
- What do you mean? - Well, you've embarrassed the top dog.
He's not gonna let that slide.
Mate, I don't think he's got much choice, does he?
I'll be out of here well before he limps out of sick bay.
No, it doesn't work that way, mate.
If Reynolds wants to pin you for fighting,
your two days could easily turn to two months,
like... (CLICKS FINGERS) just like that.
(SCOFFS)
And Bulldog owns Reynolds.
NARRATOR: It was about this time
that Les started to question his decision-making.
Sure, he'd done the right thing in putting Bulldog back in his box,
but he needed an extended sleepover in the big house
like Fine Cotton needed a wash.
Hey, 12s.
Not often you get 12-1 for a sure thing.
Have a look at this.
How much you gonna put on it?
Oh, I... yeah, haven't decided yet.
I might just hang back, see if it drifts out any further, you know?
Suit yourself. It's 12s, mate. 12s.
12s. Yeah.
Oh! Well...
It's amazing who you bump into at the races.
What the fuck are you doing here?!
Well, uh, obviously, enjoying the sport of queens.
Yeah, it's the, uh, sport of kings.
Uh, not today, it's not.
Oh, by the way,
I'm still a little sore from the other night.
Mmm...
You know, for a big bloke, you're, like, very flexible.
You are.
Shall we pencil in another sesh?
Like...
What's the matter? You want a cuddle?
Hey, will... will you just stop it?!
Just stop it, OK?!
This is Price's patch and he's got people everywhere.
So?
What, you're afraid he'll find out
you're giving your hot tip to the competition?
Kinda.
Look, don't worry. I get it.
'Cause fun fact about me, I don't like to share either.
Which means you need to make a big decision, big boy.
What are you talking about?
Pff! What am I talking about?
Uh... I'm talking about the changing of the guard.
The new wave.
You're gonna have to decide whether you want to be a part of history
or part of the future.
Can't be both.
Tick-tock, big boy.
DOLORES: Tick-tock.
Bloody hell!
You sneak up on a bloke like that,
you're gonna get yourself shot, Georgie.
I just came to bring the Minister back up to the box.
Price wants him close by for the big race.
Is everything alright? You look a little... twitchy.
Yeah, nah, I'm... (CLEARS THROAT) fine. Fine.
How did you go, Minister?
Terrific. I've got the whole lot on at 12-1.
Bookie nearly had a heart attack.
You gonna get on, mate. We're here now.
Yeah, Ray. Go all-in.
You know Price doesn't approve of each-way bets.
12-1, mate. Get on it.
RACE CALLER: They're in the barriers and set for a start.
Fuck.
And they're off and Bar Rat has jumped out
a couple of lengths clear of Hartley's Harlot.
They've settled in nicely the pace, and Lady Katherina up behind them.
500 to go and it's still Bar Rat out in front,
two lengths to the roughie, Hartley's Harlot,
making a late move on the rails,
followed by Lady Katherina.
150 out and it's Bar Rat by a length
to Hartley's Harlot and Lady Katherina.
Bar Rat's being ridden out, but it's Hartley's Harlot pulling level.
They're neck and neck with 100 to go!
Hartley's Harlot, Bar Rat, stride for stride.
Bar Rat and Hartley's Harlot. I can't split 'em.
And it's Hartley's Harlot by a nose,
edging out Price Galese's Bar Rat, who died late on his run.
(ONLOOKERS GROAN)
RACE CALLER: Oh, yes, and the jockey very happy with Hartley's Harlot.
Straight from the horse's mouth?
I don't... I don't, uh, know what happened.
I do.
I just blew five grand on a tip by a has-been
who thought he had the inside fuckin' word!
(MUTTERING)
RACE CALLER: Bar Rat, he looks a bit worse for the run.
Totes coming through now.
Looks like $8.60 the win.
Bring the car around.
I don't want Price standing around like a museum exhibit.
Copy that. Let's go, Billy.
Hey, do you want me to stick around with the boss?
(WHISPERS) No, I do not! Let's go.
Pop the bonnet, Billy, quick sticks.
Just so I'm clear,
are we stealing the boss's Rolls now?
Just shut up and bang the solenoid before I bang you, OK?
OK.
You right with that?
- God, it's... - Yeah.
Oh! If it isn't the prince of punt himself!
I understand why you rich buggers love the races, eh?
So much fun.
Especially up in the Member's.
- Jeez, I'm surprised they let you in. - Me too.
The place is so full of stuck-up wankers,
I thought they'd bar me on spec.
Still, they treat you the same when you pick a winner, don't they?
Well, money's money, I suppose.
Yeah, especially when you've got heaps of it.
Check it out! Ha!
I haven't been this excited since they discovered lubricated frangers.
(CLEARS THROAT) Yeah, well, lucky you, eh?
I'm not sure luck actually had that much to do with it, though.
I mean, Hartley's Harlot.
Come on! I had to put a bet on that, didn't I?
Oh, sorry.
Bar Rat's one of yours, isn't it?
Hoo. Hope I didn't make this awkward.
Hey, Georgie, you go on love, I'll catch you up.
- You sure? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, 100%.
I'll be there in a tick.
You know, I was really hoping that,
uh, you know, our lovely little lunch date
would have been the last time that I saw you.
But, you know, clearly, you're not quick on the uptake, are you?
- That's not very nice. - 'Cause I'm not very nice.
See all this here,
all of this, that's mine.
That's my world.
I fought tooth and nail my whole life to be here.
And if you think you can just waltz in and stake a claim,
well, you're out of your fuckin' mind.
I have a whole bag of Bugs Bunny that would disagree with you.
Yeah.
You'd shit yourself if you know how much I'd cleaned up.
Oh... I'll toss you for it.
Hey, why don't you run along now
and hide under the biggest rock you can find?
'Cause I'll tell you something, if I see you again,
I'm not gonna be Price Galese old-school racehorse owner.
I'm gonna be Price Galese, old-school gangster.
And I'm gonna take you for a little trip to Taronga Zoo
and I'm gonna feed you to the fuckin' yaks.
Trust me.
- (CRACKLING) - Fuck.
Fuck!
So...
They're in the footings of Price's handball court.
Jesus, Eddie, how the bloody hell did you lose them down there?
I don't know, Billy. It's not like I did it on bloody purpose.
Come on. You ready?
One, two...
Uh, someone care to explain what's going on here?
What does it look like?
- I lost Price's keys. - I see.
And when were you thinking of telling him?
Yeah. Well, I wasn't, to be honest.
But if Billy doesn't hurry up and get his wires crossed,
it won't be up to us anyway.
Billy!
Who else knows about this?
- Just Les. - And the bugger's in jail.
And the hits keep coming.
One, two, three...
(CRACKLING, ENGINE STARTS)
There we go.
Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!
Alright, where to, boss?
Club? Somewhere nice for tea?
You can take me home. I'm not feeling great.
- See his face? - Yeah.
BOTH: Poor thing.
- (BOTH LAUGH) - Tragic, wasn't it?
Maybe we can feed him to the yaks.
(CHUCKLES)
Huh?
Dee?
Do you like Westerns?
As in cowboys and Indians?
Hmm...
Doreen loved Westerns.
Most people, they go for the cowboys. But not us.
I mean, watching it, we'd hang for the part
where the Cherokee brave is doing his scalping.
And then he's up to the final scalp,
and then resists.
And some people think that's mercy.
But you know what that really is?
That's keeping the one whitey alive
so he can go back to the other whiteys
and say...
"We're fucked."
Can I get you some more champagne?
Revenge is nothing if Price isn't around to witness it.
- It's not? - No.
My revenge is not about killing Price.
It's about becoming Price.
Keeping him alive so that he can feel everything that I do
right down in the deepest part of his ball sack.
Any chance you could hurry it up, mate?
I could, bro, but I won't.
Alright, then.
Appreciate the honesty.
He's OK with losing money from time to time,
- but he's not big on losing face. - (DOOR CLOSES)
I can see that.
Which is why I want Bar Rat's jockey in the club within the hour.
Maybe you and he could have a little heart-to-heart.
Nothing would make me happier.
He's still got a few races this arvo, but.
It's gonna be a bit hard to get into those stirrups
without any legs, then, isn't it?
(PHONE RINGS)
Go for Eddie.
Yeah.
I was wondering when you were gonna call.
(SIGHS)
God, I remember those things.
I found them in the glove box on our first date, remember?
Uh... No, I don't, to be honest.
Yeah, you do.
The Cortina.
(LAUGHS)
We were on our way to that theatre restaurant
down near Tom Uglys Bridge.
We were lost and I was looking for the street directory
and I found them instead.
I didn't know what they were at first.
Well, nice Eastern Suburbs girl like yourself, I'm not surprised.
- I know, right? - Mm.
God, you were such a bad boy back then.
What happened? (CHUCKLES)
MOUSEY: A watched clock never boiled, son.
Yeah, no shit.
Now I know why they call it 'doing time'.
Tell me about it.
I was thrown in here for life when life actually meant life.
You know?
Sorry, Mousey.
Didn't even think, you know?
Hey, listen, I'm...
I'm real sorry if I screwed things up for you, mate?
Oh, don't you worry about it.
Besides...
I've had my fair share of floggings
over 34 years in this place,
and in all that time, no-one, no-one, has ever stepped in.
Can you believe that?
So, it makes for a very pleasant change.
It means a lot.
Jeez, mate, don't go... getting all sentimental on me.
It's been a big day already, eh?
Besides, you know, I...
I reckon you would have done the same for me.
Yeah.
(DOOR OPENS)
- Let's go, funny man. - Where?
Warden heard about your little performance outside.
Wants to say hello.
Hope you like small, dark places.
Les?
If I don't see you again, mate, uh...
good luck.
MAN: (CALLS OUT) Don't be long, blood-nut. I'll be waiting. (LAUGHS)
MAN: (CALLS OUT) Come back soon, bitch.
- We'll play mummies and daddies. Huh? - MAN: Princess!
- MAN: Hey! Where you going?! - REYNOLDS: Don't worry.
Plenty of time to get to know the locals.
Let's find out how long we get to keep you for.
MAN: (CALLS OUT) Come back soon!
You know where I am. Waiting for you.
MAN: Come on! Come on!
(LAUGHTER)
Ah, so, this must be Pricey's new boy?
Big unit, isn't he?
EDDIE: Yeah, just not where it counts, unfortunately.
You ready to get out of here, Al Capone?
I thought you'd never ask.
Alright! Thanks, Frank.
See you down the club next week.
Let's get outta here.
You're on solenoid patrol.
Jeez, I would have done a stretch sooner
if I knew I was gonna get chauffeured home in the Rolls.
Don't get too used to it.
I'm not sure how much longer Pricey will have her around.
Huh?
He got creamed at the track today on a race he'd already fixed.
How does that work?
It doesn't.
And Georgie's on the warpath, too.
So, look out.
Might have been safer in the bloody lock-up.
How did the old Malabar Mansion treat you?
Make any new friends?
Actually, yeah, my cellmate was a decent bloke.
- Hit it. - Talked a whole bunch of shit, but.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
Kept going on about he was some...
big-time bank robber or something.
Reckons he, uh,
knocked off the Gosford Mint.
What?
Mousey McGee?
- Yeah. - Bloody hell.
Didn't think he was still alive.
Hold it... You know him?
Know him? He's a bloody legend.
Last of the great drainpipe merchants.
So, it's true?
All the stuff about the Mint and that?
Don't ask me.
But they sure as hell never found the money.
Seatbelt, please.
Good boy.
(TYRES SCREECH)
Hey, boofhead. Where have you been?
- Long Bay. - Oh, great. How was it?
Yeah. Character-building.
Hey, I...
Fancy a break?
Yeah.
♪ 'Cause we're not getting younger ♪
♪ Life's too good to work ♪
♪ That is something I'm learning ♪
- ♪ Everybody wants to work ♪ - ♪ Oh, no, not me ♪
- ♪ Everybody wants to work ♪ - ♪ No, no, not me ♪
♪ Everybody wants to work... ♪
I mean, any time you want to let me in on your little secret,
I am all ears.
'Cause generally, when I head north,
I don't stop until Byron, just for safety's sake.
Yeah, look, just have a little faith, Loz. It'll be worth it.
I promise.
I mean, it shouldn't be much further.
My mate, Mousey, gave me this map to follow.
In which direction?
In there somewhere.
Come on.
- (STARTS ENGINE) - ♪ No, no, not me ♪
♪ Everybody's got to work ♪
♪ Oh, no, not me ♪
♪ Everybody has to work ♪
♪ No, no, not me ♪
♪ Oh, not me... ♪
Seriously, I am seconds from calling bullshit here, Leslie.
Where's your sense of adventure?
You know, funnily enough, I left it back in civilisation.
Oi, stop, stop.
Stop, stop, stop, stop. Stop, stop!
- Alright! - Stop!
Got to be it, right?
Yep. Yeah, I mean, if you say so.
OK, so, now we just need to find the...
haunted church
with the ghosts hovering above that,
blowing bubbles.
This is...
This is bullshit, Leslie.
It is... it is about to get dark.
And I can already hear the banjos being tuned up.
- Come on, Loz. - Don't...
You little...
If there are snakes...
Not ghosts, ghost gums.
You reckon that's it?
It's got to be.
Map reckons the loot's buried in the cellar.
Seems too easy.
What the fuck is "human actualization"?
I thought it was too easy.
Oh, you know, meditation...
Ooga-booga, holistic... bull... shit.
It's just what you need after prison.
So, how are you gonna get into the cellar, Nancy Drew?
Hoping maybe you could go in and have a look around.
I figured it's a bit more your scene.
I have more than enough self-awareness, thank you very much.
You go.
Empty your mind.
Shouldn't be too hard.
NARRATOR: It's true that Les was not a spiritual man.
He needed an impromptu meditation session
like JFK needed a grassy knoll.
But he could smell a big payday,
and he wasn't going to be put off by a bit of new-age bullshit.
If I'm not out in 10 minutes, you call the cops.
(DOOR CREAKS)
MAN: And once you've put those thoughts in that bucket,
pour it out.
Pour it all out.
- ALL: Mmmm! - OK.
Circulate that breathing, people.
Welcome, friend.
I'm Darniel.
Daniel?
That's right, Darniel.
And you are?
I'm, uh... I'm Les Norton.
What drew you to self-actualisation, Les?
Oh, just... you know, the usual.
I see.
ALL: Mmmm!
Would you like to join us on the sacred rug?
Oh, look, if it's all the same, you know,
I'm just gonna take a quick squiz downstairs, if you don't mind.
Downstairs?
(ALL MURMUR SURPRISE)
Yeah. That's right.
Your timing is perfect, Les.
We were about to adjourn to the crypt.
Oh! Well, isn't that lucky?
You know, we wouldn't normally allow a newcomer
into our most sacred space,
but it feels as though the timing of your arrival is propitious.
Bloody propitious, eh?
Your garments are as superficial as the unactualised soul.
They are?
To enter the crypt,
a newcomer must present as nothing but one's self.
(CHANTS) ♪ Ah-ah-yi-ooh-oh ♪
ALL: Mmmm!
Yeah, I was just gonna have a quick...
peek downstairs if...
If you want to experience the crypt...
Fair dinkum?
(SIGHS)
What, starkers?
Nude.
ALL: (SOFTLY) Mmmm!
Open your mind
and your body will follow, Les.
(CHANTS) ♪ Ah-ah-yi-ooh-oh ♪
MAN: (WHISPERS) Isn't that the Bowen Lager guy?
ALL: (CHANT) ♪ Ah-ah-yi-ooh-oh ♪
(WIND CHIMES JANGLE)
(LAUGHS)
Bloody hell, is that it?
Did you get it?
Let's just go, huh?
What is... what is with this get-up?
Is that part of the meditation centre?
It's not a meditation centre.
It's a sex cult.
(PERSISTENT KNOCKING AT DOOR)
(DOOR CREAKS)
(INDISTINCT CONVERSATION NEARBY)
(PHOTOCOPIER WHIRRS)
Now...
Let's talk about Dolores Bognor, shall we?
- (ANGLE GRINDER BUZZES) - Aah! Aaah! Aaaaagh!
Anyway, I, um...
I ran the Rolls-Royce plates through the system,
- and apparently, you're the owner. - (BUZZING NEARBY)
Oh, it's registered to the business, so basically me.
I figured it was something like that.
Seeing as our bosses are mates, I thought it might be nice for me
to come and drop it off in person.
Hate for it to slip through the cracks
and snowball into something bigger.
Thank you.
I'm certainly not going to jail over a parking fine.
(LAUGHS) One Kelly Club employee at a time, right?
That's our policy.
Fair enough.
(BUZZING NEARBY)
Anyway, uh... yeah, I will get going.
Um, in the future, if you ever need anything, you know, taken care of,
um, I'd be happy to help out wherever I can.
Hmm. Good to know. Thanks again.
Sure.
(SIGHS)
Like a dog returning to his own vomit.
Hello, you sexy thing.
Aaah!
Fuck...
No luck?
You'd think the hard part was finding the bloody thing.
It's got 34 years worth of rust in the screw holes.
Why don't you just pop down to Nock & Kirby's
and buy yourself an angle grinder?
Yeah, right!
Do you know how much an angle grinder costs?!
- About 35 bucks. - (GRUNTS)
Well, do you know anyone who has one?
It's a very impressive collection?
Well, he has impeccable taste.
Do you know if Mr Galese is planning to sell them as a collection,
or piece by piece?
Uh...
Speak of the devil.
You remember Mr Smee.
Um, he's here to give us a valuation on the muskets.
Hmm. Good-o.
He wanted to know if you have a preference on how they're sold?
No.
No, whatever makes the most sense.
Well, we could go piece by piece,
and you could possibly keep your absolute favourite.
Something to build a new collection around.
No, sell the bloody lot.
They don't bloody work anyway.
These are, I must say, absolutely beautiful.
Well, who cares?
You know, no-one ever won a war because they looked good.
Just ask the Italians.
No, you want to win a fight,
you want to make sure your weapons work.
- (TAPS TABLE) Yeah? Oh! - (LAUGHS NERVOUSLY)
(ALL CHUCKLE)
- (ANGLE GRINDER BUZZES) - Come on, Eddie, almost there.
(ANGLE GRINDER BUZZES)
Well, it is money, I suppose.
Hasn't even got the Queen on it.
Of course it doesn't, you muppet. That's King George VI.
What happened to Lizzie?
She wasn't Queen in 1951.
- Fair dink? - I assumed she'd always been Queen.
Honestly... fellas...
You had your Edward VII,
George V, then Edward VIII.
Then he shat the bed and flicked it to good old George VI.
Only then came Lizzy.
All of 'em... pre-decimal.
So, you're telling me... I went through all of that
for a history lesson from Eddie Salita
and bunch of bloody useless pounds.
You're welcome.
Cheer up, brother. It'll make a good chapter in your book one day, eh?
PRICE: Hey, what the hell was all that racket?
Hey, are they George VI pounds?
Good one, boss.
Did someone say George VI pounds?
BILLY: Mm.
LOZZA: So, your boss must really love antique currency, huh?
To have bought the whole lot?
Can you believe it.
He coughed up real money for old money he can't even use.
300 big ones.
Plus, I kept my 35 bucks!
Where's my cut?
You got your robe, didn't you?
(CHEERING ON TV)
Well, you can talk.
Well, free is free, Lozza.
CULT MEMBERS (CHANT): ♪ Ah-ah-yi-ooh-oh ♪
PRICE: Hey, Les, how would you like to whiz up to Coffs?
Young Tony owes me 10 Gs.
Tell him he can suck shit.
It could be controversial, but I'll let him know.
What do you think this game is, mate?
It's not all bloody fancy suits and free piss, you know?
Sometimes, you gotta get your hands dirty.
Old Pricey's past his use-by date.
That's why just I wanted to come here and re-introduce myself.
- One... - (CRACKING)
Jesus Christ!
- I'm, uh... I'm Les Norton. - Betty.
Got us a jug, save us a trip to the bar.
And 47 cents!
Be still my beating heart.
How's dinner at my place sound?
Synced & corrected by QueenMaddie www.addic7ed.com